Today I was minding my own business in my car after just picking up a food order from Jersey Mikes, almost ready to drive off.
I see a man and his son, who was holding a box, go inside the Jersey Mike’s and then they came right out and came around towards my car door. I realized oh, they’re selling something.
I opened my window and the dad right away says something like, “please hear my son out, he’s trying to raise money for his baseball team.” Something similar to that. Right away, I’m intrigued because he seemed like he was maybe 14/15 and I think it’s cool that instead of just asking for money for sports, this kid is out here hustling in his own way, which was a box full of chocolate.
Did I mention I love Peanut M&M’s and that’s one of the candies I noticed, lol.
Anyway, this adorable kid starts off his spiel and says his name and starts talking, he was talking fast. As someone with a lot of social anxiety, who gets nervous easy and who has trouble talking clear to new people, I could see he was nervous but still trying. Or maybe being forced, I don’t know.
What I do know is as he’s talking, trying to get the words out of his mouth, doing a really good job I thought, his dad starts berating him. “MY GOODNESS, YOU NEED TO SAY A PRAYER”, “TRY HARDER” BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Basically yelling things AS he’s talking and trying to sell me this candy. I started feeling so uncomfortable and just angry, because I get nervous too and if someone were to yell at me as I’m trying to talk and present something that I already hate doing in a humiliating way, how does that help??
I bought a candy and as much as I wanted to tell the dad like, “SIR, WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS NOT HELPING YOUR SON”, I didn’t because I caught myself and realized it’s not my business. The dad added that his son had a speech impediment, and he thanked me for helping him out.
Not sure why he had to add the impediment thing, especially in front of the boy.
The only thing I thought to do was tell the boy he was doing a really good job.
***
As small as this incident was, I couldn’t stop thinking about it after.
I kept picturing the encounter and how this boy was doing his absolute best with his voice trembling, but still somehow getting his words out, clearly it being way outside his comfort zone.
And even then, he was doing the thing and showing up bravely.
Not only was this boy facing the normal nerves of talking to strangers, he was doing it while battling a real speech challenge.
And instead of being lifted up, he was being unintentionally shamed in front of strangers by the very person who should have been his biggest safe space.
This is why I choose to blog about this, because there is something I want to say without attacking parents like this. I just want it said to hopefully inspire reflection…
If you are a parent, a coach, a teacher —
especially if your child struggles with speech, social anxiety, or anything that makes speaking hard —
please, please think carefully about how you encourage them.
- Yelling at them in front of others doesn’t build strength.
- Embarrassing them mid-sentence doesn’t make them braver.
- Public corrections in vulnerable moments don’t “toughen them up.”
- They humiliate. They discourage. They make kids want to hide, not shine.
If you don’t know how to encourage gently?
- Look it up.
- Google “positive encouragement for speech delays.”
- Watch videos.
- Ask professionals.
- Learn.
Because in todays day and age, there are no more excuses to hide behind.
And at the end of the day, your words aren’t just words.
They’re shaping whether your child feels safe or ashamed when they step into the world.
I really hope with everything in me, that even if his father’s voice was loud,
my small voice telling him he was doing such a good job planted a seed.
A seed that says:
You are amazing.
You are brave.
You are already doing beautifully.
***
One last thing, when your child is doing something hard, please help them fly.
Don’t clip their wings mid-air.
They’re already doing the bravest thing they can.
Love, Loops