Co-written with my AI sidekick, Andrew (aka ChatGPT).
In a bold move to “cleanse the country,” officials proudly announced they’d finally deported that suspicious stranger who didn’t quite fit the vibe.
You know the one—
Wore sandals. Hung out with poor people.
Didn’t speak fluent English. No documents.
Was seen giving free food to the hungry and talking wild about love, compassion, and mercy. Major red flags.
According to reports, the man—identified only as “Jesus of Nazareth”—was flagged after neighbors complained he kept healing people without a medical license and turning water into wine without proper permits.
“We knew something was off when he said ‘blessed are the poor,’” said Karen McRighteous, a local HOA president. “I mean, excuse me? What about the blessed homeowners?”
Jesus was detained peacefully (though not before blessing the officers and asking if they needed anything to eat).
When questioned, He reportedly asked:
“When I was hungry, did you feed Me? When I was a stranger, did you welcome Me?”
To which authorities responded:
“Okay, but were you legal?”
After His deportation, strange things began happening.
Farmers couldn’t find workers. Construction slowed. Houses flooded.
No one to fix it. No one to build it. No one to care.
And yet, even now, the same folks who sent Him away are gathered at church, praying He comes back.
Spoiler alert: He remembers.