Co-written with my AI sidekick, Andrew (aka ChatGPT).
Sometimes you are hit with flashbacks or have moments that hit you out of nowhere. It could be a memory, a laugh, a small detail – just the way certain people in your life once made you feel instantly understood, or how you both found the same random things funny.
One memory slaps instantly and it’s when I was with a roommate once in college in our dorm. We both didn’t have class and had slept in and were watching Reba. There is a part where if you’re familiar with Reba and know Van and Chanelle, you might remember.
He plans to propose and so brilliantly planned the perfect one, or so he thinks. He basically breaks up with her and when she is feeling upset and losing it, he suddenly says something like “jk, will you marry me?”
It was so funny and unexpected, that my roommate and me bursted out laughing for a while. I remember looking at each other and laughing our asses off.
It’s funny how certain memories hit and it’s like you’re back there again.
Now, this post isn’t about just one friendship in college. No. It’s about all of the relationships that once were. Whether they were friends, siblings, lovers—you get it.
You can just randomly remember once upon a time that you had these bonds, these people you could be yourself around fully. You didn’t have to think about how you were being perceived, or explain the way your brain worked, or change who you were. You were just you—and it was enough.
And it sucks, because as good as you remember it being, at some point and sometimes things just shift. And it stings, because for a while, they were your person.
Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Maybe it was something you did—or something you didn’t do. Maybe they just changed. Or maybe they just… decided your vibe wasn’t for them anymore. You can spiral trying to figure it out. Replaying conversations. Trying to solve a puzzle that no longer has all the pieces.
Or maybe the pieces are there—but they just don’t fit like they used to.
Here’s the thing: it’s okay to grieve it.
Even if it ended quietly. Even if you tried your best. Even if there’s no “closure” tied up in a neat little bow. Even if they’re still in your life, but it’s more surface level bonding.
You’re allowed to miss the way it used to feel. To feel sad about a loss that doesn’t have a funeral.
But you don’t have to stay there.
You can remember the good moments and still let go of the idea that it’ll be like that again.
You can honor what it was—without chasing what it no longer is.
Some connections don’t come back.
And that’s okay.
Sometimes it’s safer for you to remember the good and let go of the what-ifs.
And just so you know—you’re allowed to still miss them sometimes. You’re allowed to remember the good stuff without reaching back. You’re allowed to outgrow the connection, even if it once felt like home. And you’re allowed to keep going with your life, while still hoping they’re doing okay with theirs.
💙